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The Defeatist actual kindle image

House Arrest :

The ticking clock is deafening in the silence of the room

I lie along the sofa, overwhelmed by my sense of doom

I don’t know what’s happening; my legs don’t feel like my own

I am now a stranger in the place I once called my home

I’m afraid of what might be said, or what Joe’s mood will be

And when he arrives home from work, he won’t have time for me

I’ve forgotten how to sleep; he hates my restlessness at night

I’m tempted to doze in the guest room, I can’t bear another fight

I’m the one to blame, the reason our relationship is disintegrating

I still love Joe, I wouldn’t leave, even though he finds me aggravating

There’s an argument brewing, Yes, I can see it in his eyes

Still, I deserve this. I hid the truth and to his face I lied

“What the hell is up with you?” He isn’t best impressed

I sense the tight knot of anxiety, gathering in my chest

He proceeds to ask me about Christmas plans- Joe, not now!

Then states we should celebrate alone. I don’t think so somehow

“Your Mum invited us” he smirks, “But I turned her offer down.”

He’s enjoying himself, I can tell. All I can do is frown

“It’s no big deal.” He groans, but it meant so much to me

I’m a prisoner in my home; in mind, and in body.

I shiver and curl on the sofa, my arms wrapped around my chest

I daren’t leave his sight. He is keeping me under house arrest.

An extract from chapter 14 – November 2013

“Can it just be the two of us this Christmas?”
What? No! I really wanted to see my Mum on Christmas day. We haven’t discussed this at all.
“It’s just…” He continues. “Your Mum rang the home phone and asked if we wanted to come over, but I said no and that we wanted it to just be us.”
My chest aches and heart sinks. He did what?! I place my hand over my mouth.
“Shit! What?”
“Jeez, relax Jude! It’s no big deal!”
“It is to me!”
“So you’d rather have Christmas with your Mum? You haven’t changed a bit.”
“Oh look, what gave you the right to assume that you can just answer for me? You know that I always spend Christmas evening at my Mum’s!”
“Yes, I heard you the first time.”
“Oh God! I need to call her back, if you don’t want to be there then you just make your own plans, but this means so much to me. You stopped me from going last time!”
“As if you can blame me! For once, grow up and accept that you made the mistake, not me. You’re always so quick to blame it on someone else.”
I narrow my eyes, but say nothing. Joe is really pissing me off, and if I was a violent person, I would wipe the smug expression from his face.
“What’s up, Jude?”
I say nothing. He grabs my arm, pinning me up against the wall.
“Tell me!”
“You’re being controlling again. Stop it!”
“Oh get a grip!”
“No, I mean it. If you don’t stop I..”
“You’ll what, Jude? You’re making empty threats, it’s pathetic!”
What the hell is wrong with me. My blood is boiling and I wish I was by myself when he’s here, but when we’re apart, I miss Joe more than anything! Shit, this is so messed up. I’m not myself, my hands are shaking. I need to get out.
“This is horrible.” I whisper.
“You look terrible.”
“Oh stop it!”
But it’s true, the colour has drained from my face and my limbs are so numb. I sit down before I fall.

~Last, but not least. If you liked this post, please SHARE it on your social media accounts!

©Sophie Bowns 2011-2015

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