Beth;

You must remember something, so do you?”
Eddie pauses and clears his throat. “Sketchy details.”
“Okay good. Please tell me more.”
“I-uh, I’m trying to remember, I really am.” He doesn’t want to go there.
“I’m gonna make you a coffee and something to eat.”
I think he just nods to stop me from going on at him. I make two medium strength coffees and add two teaspoons of brown sugar to his, he needs it. What would he like to eat? I don’t even stop to ask him, I know he’ll say no. Instead, I fetch a box of grapes from the fridge and place them on the table. Once upon a time, we could both get through a box of grapes a night. He sighs and reads the top of the cellophane. What is he examining? Whatever it was, he seems happy and picks one placing it into his mouth. To my relief, he eats around ten of them. I pretend not to notice, but mentally I am taking note of his daily calorific intake, that’s another 34.
“Shall I make you something more substantial?”
He shakes his head and slides the grapes from the table onto his lap.
“Nah, I’ll just look after these.” He whispers.
It’s then that I see a tiny sparkle in his eye, the one that originally I feared he might have lost.

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©Sophie Bowns 2011-2014

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25 thoughts on “Extract #4

  1. This looks really interesting. I’m going to have to look back over your previous extracts. I hope I’ve not come into it too late.

    1. Nope, not really. 😀
      They’re just little extracts at the moment. The piece I am writing is an experiment, just to see if I am capable of writing in a ‘crime’ genre.

  2. Yes you are definitely capable of. It’s a good practice anyhow. These comments can boost you and you will write with more enthusiasm now 🙂 Good Luck with your crime novel 🙂

    1. Hello Anmol, thank you!
      I’m going to give this one a good go. I have received some really great compliments. I write quite enthusiastically regardless, but I just needed that little confidence boost. 🙂

  3. I really like how you keep your extracts short and punchy. I’d love to hear more about how these extracts support a theme or an element of your writing process. I hope this makes sense.

    1. Hey Dorit. Thanks very much!
      At the moment, I am trying to branch out and improve my writing style. I badly need to read some more crime novels…i.e by Agetha Christie….can you recommend any?

  4. Sophie! First, I like the way you clarified who is who and who is speaking straight from the start (using names and “I”). Definitely made it easier to get into and to follow.

    I don’t like her – Beth. Feel like shaking her. Have a couple of books she should read: 1) “He’s just not that into you” (http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X) and 2) John Gray’s “Men are from Mars …”

    I once saw John Gray on Oprah describing needy women’s behavior: the guy isn’t reciprocating to their giving so she gives some more hoping that that brings the desired change. He, in turn, is convinced that he must be doing the right thing (otherwise why would she be rewarding him …?). Finally, she blows up out of frustration and he doesn’t have a clue why!

    Looking forward to see how Beth behaves! Doesn’t she want him to peel some grapes for her?

    Lovely lovely lovely, Sophie! HUGS ❤

    1. Ah, that’s good!
      I got that idea from “My Sister’s Keeper.” If I remember correctly, it’s set out in a similar way!
      Beth is a decent person, and unfortunately due to circumstances things have changed. I know I am being very vague, but I don’t want to give too much away!
      -I’d like to see that John Gray interview!
      😀

  5. I’m repeating myself here, but I love how you have grown over the last two or so years. This is a story, by the way, where your talent for dialogue could really shine – I’d actually (after encouraging you to use less dialog and stretch yourself) like to see use of more dialog here to tell the story. But don’t try to imitate well known crime writers – you have a unique style and I’d like to see your unique interpretation of what the dialog should be like.

    1. Hey Alana! Thank you very much!
      I’m trying to find a balance I think. I promise that there is still lots of dialogue in this novel, I think I just chose an extract where there was less this time.
      I’m trying to read lots of crime extracts to give myself a good idea of how they’re written, HOWEVER.,…I promise that I intend to keep to my own style! 😀

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