Jesus why do you doubt yourself? Jesus you are strong
You can rule Jerusalem and prove the Romans wrong
Jesus we believe in you, you hold the truth of life
When all our days are filled with fear, you pull us from the strife
Look at your face upon the banner, with your wise expression of know
Jesus we are with you, take my hand and join the show

Simon you are confused, your ideas are deluded
We cannot achieve these impossible things, I myself included
You do not understand the concept of glory and status
We are being crushed by the Romans, they already hate us
Look to Jerusalem, with its poor people who suffer so
You think our lives are not serious, just one big circus show
Here they lie alone, painfully crippled and mislead
I need you all to complete my work as I soon will be dead.



Chortling man with your ridiculous suit, wipe the smile from your face

Your chat show is incredibly gaudy; your morals are a disgrace

Look at your-over shined shoes, your trousers intricately pressed

What has really slipped your mind, is the seriousness of this mess

I see you are losing patience; you crease and crinkle your brow

I can assure you, my lips are sealed as you try to brew  a row

Look at your shimmering dancers, with their tiny sequined dresses

Revealing their busts, shiny shoes and immaculately styled tresses.

Clown of a man don’t shout at me, don’t grind your teeth and shun

It is all too late, I am beaten, you have already won

How dare you assume judge me, I’m an innocent man

It is slander to assume such things, you label me as a sham

I am not a liar, I am not a fraud.

I am stations above you sir, I am Jesus Christ the Lord


I do not recognise your face leader; no I do not know you

Who are you, with your sullen expression? Why do you look so blue?

Lady who are you with your alcohol bottle? With your olive skin

You seem so angry beggar woman, as if your anger comes from within

Mary at last a friendly face, but why do you seem so alone?

Normally you’re with him Mary and then you feel at home.

Why do you turn away from me, why do you shake your head?

Then make claims that I’ve forgotten my friend, gone and cut him dead.

It’s what he predicted when he broke the bread.

That the memory of him would escape my head.

Mary my friend, to me he’s already dead.


I am a woman of the night, shunned by many men
But you saw the light inside my soul, opened my eyes again
That bright light dampened one day, the night they ushered you away
Nothing can change, your fate is written no matter how hard I pray

I sink to the floor without you, inner thoughts only about you
Did you know of my feelings for you? I wonder if you knew
My soul dies a little without you, the pain will never cease
I only hope that you’re somewhere better, your tortured soul at peace.

I sense your scarf under my fingertips and roll it into a ball
I place my head upon it and my bitter tears start to fall
My empty heart bleeds for you, you’re gone, you’ve passed.
If only good things never ceased, if only love could last.


You shake your head again at me in that disconcerting way

Purse your lips with disgust and poisonous words you say

You put me down like a dog, shake your head in disgust

Disagreeing with what I do, but do these things I must

Taunting is your comeback, taunting is your crime

As you know the words hurt me, infuriate me every time

But you are not perfect, you clutch your bottle of liquor

Drinking its poisonous drops as you grow mentally sicker

Inside your mind is churning, with thoughts of utter despair

Did you think this was in my favour, do you really care?

The veins bulge upon your flesh; your blood shot eyes are red

You must alter your ways my friend, or you too will be dead.

Change your ways unfortunate man,  or more than my blood will be shed


Deceit was all too simple, avoiding eye contact, hiding deception

The twisted man betrayed his friend, guilt ridden on reflection

Tasting the blood of Christ, he passed the bottle on

Catching his leader’s eye, those days of happiness gone

Jesus  looked up, frustration creased his brow

“You’re all going to forget me, in days to come from now”

“No” the men cried “that’s not true” they protested

Alarmed at the way it had even been suggested

“Look at Peter, he will deny me, deny my existence

Don’t touch my arm or pity me, I don’t need your assistance.

One of you betrays me, betrayal is what I sense,

What  do you have to say in your pathetic self-defence?”

Judas cast the bottle to one side, rising to his feet

His face reddening, his inner self boiling over with heat

“How can a sad pathetic man , one such as you

Blame me for your downfall, accuse me as you do.”

Jesus shook his head , frowning at the quisling

Aware that his survival chances were ever fizzling

You liar!”  Jesus cried. “Get out! Go on, GO!”

I warned you” Judas cursed.  “I was in the know


Theodore- Chapter 59

The king paced back to Theodore.
“My Son?”
“Mr Howard and I have everything in hand.”
“A-and Mother?”
“We have um… temporarily removed her from the situation. I am the King after all, I think it is high time that I showed that woman some authority!”
Theodore smiled. “Father, what have you done?”
“Oh, she is quite al right, but at the moment, she is most probably bubbling over with anger.” He laughed. “I am afraid that I am useless at looking after the sick.”
“Ah, that news was medicine enough. I am so happy.”  Theodore muttered.
“Theodore?” The king gasped, Theodore lay limp and unconscious, he had fainted. The king adjusted his pillows and sighed.
“I am sorry, so sorry. Miss McGrath will be here again soon, for she is the best nurse.”

“Your Grace, you have not quite completed all your tasks, there are a few more. Do not fret, again you can do this from your bedside.” Theodore listened in his unconscious state. “Your Father bears the weight of the world upon his shoulders. He is so guilty. Tell him that he is forgiven.”
Theodore coughed, taking a large gulp of air as King Rupert placed a bottle of smelling salts under his nose and he started to come round.
“A part of me wants to send for our physician, but alas I think we are too late.”
Theodore nodded. “Bonnie.” He muttered.
“I know, I imagine she would know what to do. You know, I am sitting here and I haven’t the first clue.”
“Please, do not let me die before she gets here! Please Father!”
“Shhh, you are going to live for as long as you can my son. Tell yourself that, believe it and you shall.”
“I must live for at least another day!”  Theodore gasped.
“Your Grace, you shall.”
“John? Thank God!”
“Who is John, Theodore?”
Theodore did not answer, but sensed a hand on top of his and a caring arm drape around his shoulder.
“Why is Mother so cruel?”
“She is jealous of Bonnie, Theodore. Can’t you see?”
“That thought did cross my mind.” He muttered. “Why?”
“I don’t know, because you and Miss McGrath are so close and your Mother and you have always had your differences.”
“Poor Bonnie.”
“She will be here before you know it. Howard has gone to fetch her.”
“Father, I forgive you. I cannot hold a grudge against you, I blamed you for leaving, hated you for it even, but it was Mother all the time wasn’t it?”
“My son, we both had our faults but…”
“Did she hurt you?”
“A little.”
“Oh Father I am so sorry and know that I forgive you, with all my heart and soul!”

Mr Howard rode, the bitter wind stinging his ears as he tapped the horses sides with the reins, his hat flying from his head, but alas, he did not notice. He reached the cottage, tying up Theodore’s horse and banged upon the door.
It flew open “There is no need to bang with such force, I- oh, I recognise you.”
“I am Mr Howard, John Howard.”
“You have the same Christian name as my late husband.”
“Come in, Bonnie has not been so well, I am afraid.”
On hearing her name Bonnie exited the kitchen, where she had been sweeping the floor.
“Mother I am quite well, my cold has almost gone.” She looked up. “Mr Howard!”
“The King insisted that I should fetch you.”
“But the Queen will not have it!”
“His Grace will not acknowledge, or speak to her. If I had half a crown for each time he has begged to see you, I would be a rich man. There is so little time now, we must go. I fear he has but days to live.”
“Wait, you are here and the Queen is…who is caring for him at this moment in time?”
“The King, but Prince Theodore needs his nurse.”
Bonnie, a little alarmed, took her bag from Maira, which her Mother had packed.
“Goodbye Mother.”
“Bonnie, my brave girl. You know, I forgot to tell you. I found a white feather in your chair by the fire last week.”
“I’d like to think so. I think he watches over us. If you’re ever in doubt, just ask him.”
“I have done for some time.”
“And I also, Bonnie. Goodbye lovie.”

“Mr Howard, how has he coped?”
“His pain is bad, but he is still so brave. But, he is struggling.”
“And the King?”
“He has come to his senses.”
“Thank God! The Queen will have me removed again.”
“She is not there to remove you.”
“It is not my place to tell you. Here take my hand. But be warned. He is very sick. ” He whispered biting his lip.
Bonnie did so as he helped her down and she raced into the palace.
“Thank you again, Mr Howard. For all you have done.” She panted as they ran up the grand staircase and into Theodore’s bedroom. She dashed straight to Theodore, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding his perishing body close to her own.
“Bonnie?” He murmured, from his semi-conscious state.
“It is me, my darling.” She placed both hands against his cheeks and kissed his damp forehead, as her warm tears dropped onto his nose. “Why is there bruising upon your head?” She gasped.
“I fell.”
“Fell! Did it hurt?”
“You are here and that is all that matters now.”
“I am so sorry.” She kissed him again.
“Don’t cry. I was just dreaming about my child, we shall be united soon.”
“My poor friend!”
“Oh how glad I am that you are here beside me Bonnie.”
“And I also.”
“Bonnie, there is one thing?”
“It is a foolish request.”

“Your Grace, as another of your tasks. Ask Bonnie to kiss you, she will be much obliged I am sure.”
“Would you kiss me again when I die?”
“That wasn’t in the least bit foolish. I’ll kiss you now. There is no-one about.”
Bonnie pressed her lips against his, as he reciprocated the kiss with the last of his remaining strength as Bonnie held his hand to her cheek, supporting his head with her other arm. She planted another kiss on his forehead as she held her dying friend in her arms.
“How I have missed you, your Grace.”
“I have missed you too, more than you could ever envisage.”
“W-well we are together again now, we shall not be parted again until the end.”
Bonnie stroked his hair, sitting beside him on the bed as she gazed into those haunted eyes.
“I wonder what Jane is doing?”
“I-“ Bonnie paused. “Well, I imagine that she is sitting at home in good company.”
“And your family?”
“Mother will be running errands and Andrew will be at school.”
“Take me away from here.”
“You never did meet my Mother, your Grace. But, I am afraid that you must stay here, but do not worry, I’ll be with you.”
“Then-then I shall be happy.”
“Please, tell me another of your stories Bonnie.”
“I imagine that you have heard them all, my dear.”
“So glad that you are here.”
“As am I. Now then, a story. I will think, but I wish to know something?”
“Ask away.”
“I fear that you are not well enough, but, it is strange, you seem a little brighter.”
“I feel it. You are my medicine Bonnie.”
“In the past, what was the relationship like between you and your Mother? Oh Lord, sorry, do not answer that!”
“Shhh, I do not mind. Well, she has always been difficult to please.”
“And short tempered like myself.”
“You aren’t, not any more.”
“I used to be, I hate myself for it.”
Bonnie kissed his forehead. “You are so loved, your Grace.”
“I hate myself, I am too much like Mother. I sent you away, remember. You, the woman who is so kind to me.”
“We barely knew each other then, your Grace. I was the perfect antagonist, was I not? Angering you, when you had troubles of your own. For that, I will be eternally sorry. We must dwell on the positives.”
“The afternoons spent in the warm garden sunshine and the gentle lilt of your Scottish accent as you read to me.”
“The cups and tea and toast, which I persuaded you to eat!” Bonnie laughed.
“Oh yes. If it wasn’t for you, I would have starved to death.”
Bonnie swallowed, glancing at his skeletal body. “Are you hungry or thirsty now? You are ever so cold, a hot drink perhaps? Tea?”
“Yes, I will. It will remind me of old times.”
Bonnie rang the bell, Mr Howard’s eyes widened as he smiled a small smile.
“My-my goodness, your Grace you seem so… happy!”
“I cannot put into words how I feel, only that I will be eternally grateful to you and Father. But tell me, where is Mother?”
“She has gone to stay with a friend, she was a little taken aback.”
“Thank God!”
“Mr Howard, please could have two cups of tea?”
“Certainly. I will return promptly.”
Bonnie stroked Theodore’s hair, pushing the one unruly lock away from his face.
“That is much better.”
“Your Grace, I am so sorry that you took a turn for the worst.”
“I am so determined to get better Bonnie.”
“I know you are, my friend.”
Theodore yawned, closing his eyes as Bonnie continued to hold his hand in hers.
“I am surprised that you want to hold it.” He muttered. “It is all horrid and bony.”

©Sophie Bowns 2011-2014

Theodore- The end is in sight

Hello everyone, I thought it might be a good idea to ask you, my readers. I was considering posting the last chapter of Theodore tomorrow. However, I’d like to hear your opinions. Is there anything within the story that you’d like me to touch more upon before I complete it? The last thing I want, is for people not to like the ending!

I’d really appreciate your help/ feedback. What do you think?


Theodore- Chapter 58

“It is coming back to you?”
Theodore nodded, the tears flowing down his cheeks.
Mr Howard squeezed his hand. “I am so sorry.”
“Why is Mother so cruel? You saw what she did to Jane, she made her faint when she was not well. Poor Jane and my baby.” He muttered.
“Jane will be quite well, your Grace and your child is in heaven.” He soothed, placing a hand upon Theodore’s shoulder.
“Waiting for me?”
“Yes, I am so sure of it.” Mr Howard closed his eyes, placing his head into his hands.
“And Bonnie?”
“Bonnie is a strong woman.” He reassured.
“I shall never see her again. Listen to the wind, how the North Wind grows stronger, he says my name each day. I will not let him take me, I must hold on so I can see my Bonnie again. Oh Mr Howard, do not cry. It is how it was meant to be, I knew after I caught the Scarlet Fever, that I would not live long, but these past few months I have shared with Bonnie and you have been such happy, memorable times. I shall look down from heaven and always care for you both. But I may die without seeing Bonnie again. I will never hear that gentle Scottish lilt or sense the comfort of her arm underneath my neck.”

The howling gale ceased and a gentler wind blew, a North wind, searching for somebody, someone to take with it. A beautiful young man with wavy hair and structured cheekbones. Mr Howard’s tears dropped upon Theodore’s coverlet as he nursed him, placing his hand on top of his for gentle reassurance.
“Do not let me go without saying goodbye to Bonnie!” Theodore begged.
Mr Howard placed his arm underneath Theodore’s neck. “Shhh, it’s alright, there there.”
“I need her.”
“I know, your Grace.”
“Is she well?”
“I do not know, she will be with her family.”
“Family, I’d be better off without them.”
“You do not mean that, your Grace.”
“Oh, I do.”
Mr Howard gazed at Theodore’s disturbed face, his features sullen and sunken, his cheeks tear stained and swollen.
“Shall I try to speak to your Mother?”
“And risk your position for me? No, I will not allow it.”
“I shall find the King then.”
“Father? Yes, he is the man of the house.”  Theodore muttered. “Surely he feels a little in my debt after he hid away for so long.”
“Please, do not leave me.”
“Then, I will ask the footman to fetch him.”

The Queen strutted into the room.
“Pardon me saying Ma’am, but Theodore asked for his Father.”
“Hmph! His Father?”
“Please Mother I have to speak to him!”
“Do not speak to me as if I were some object! I am your Mother and first and foremost the Queen.”
“You’d sooner see me suffer.” Theodore sighed.
“That’s not true!”
“You don’t have a compassionate bone in your body!”
“How dare you speak to me like that!”
“I could not care less. Get Father! Fetch my Father, where is he?” He gasped, another spasm hitting his chest.
“Argh! Oh God!”
“What? What is it?”
“You will never understand!” He cried. “You will never realise the physical and mental pain I feel, because you are cruel, selfish and heartless. You blamed Jane for my unhappiness, yet it was you all along. You frightened her so much, you hurt her just like you hurt Bonnie!”
“What? You are out of your mind, your brain is over-run with delirium!”
“Ahem, Ma’am, your son needs comfort, you should adhere to his last few wishes or you will regret it for the rest of your life! Look at him, his Grace is anxious and distressed. Surly you want him to die a happy man.”
“I will not have a deceitful little liar in my palace! Remember your place Howard!”
It was a mistake, we are only human. She did not purposefully drop the letter. Ma’am, look at your son, how he fades each day, I am witnessing it with my own two eyes. Please don’t let him die having felt grief and unhappiness. I will fetch her myself.”
Queen Evangeline shook her head.
“Please! Look at your son!”

She pushed past him, marching from the room. Mr Howard gasped, where was the King? Surely, he had more authority over his wife. He dashed from Theodore’s room, banging on the King’s study door.
“Your Grace, thank God!”
“My son?”
“He wishes to speak with you. If you are not too busy.”
“Yes of course, I am coming now. Where is the Queen?”
“She will not allow Miss McGrath to return to the palace.”
“Exactly, she has not told you. Miss McGrath made a mistake, but she meant no harm.”
“Ah, my wife told me. That letter?”
“Yes Sir.”
“Mr Howard, you know as well as I that our marriage has not been on good terms for some time. I give you my full permission to fetch her. We will lock Theodore’s bedroom door from the inside if needs must. Yes, you must go now.”
“But who will look after Prince Theodore?”
“I-I will.”
“You, the King, are you sure?”
“Yes, it’s the very least I can do to repay my Son after I failed him.  I am not so useless.” He smiled weakly. “Come, you must go now and tell Theodore our plan.”

“Theodore my son?”
“Father? Oh Father, how lovely it is to hear your voice.”
The king placed a hand upon Theodore’s shoulder. “Mr Howard and I have a plan.”
“A plan?” He whispered, his eyes filling with tears.
“Shh, don’t cry my child. We are going to do everything in our power to have Miss McGrath brought back to you. Mr Howard will fetch her and I shall stay here and look after you.”
“Ha! That was Mr Howard’s reaction.”
“How will you deceive Mother?”
“We may have to dispose of her for a while.”
“Please, be careful.”
“Yes of course I shall. Now then, you must have a sleep, as you are struggling to speak. Mr Howard has already gone and I am going to see to your Mother.”

The king swallowed as he entered the Queens parlour.
“What is it Rupert?”
He did not answer, but removed the key from the inside of the door, slamming it and locking it from the outside.
“What is this?” She gasped. “What are you doing?”
“I am sorry, but I have no choice to keep you in here.”
“What? Are you out of your mind?!”
“Ha! Says the woman who sent our son’s best friend away. He has not stopped crying since you have done so and he has not eaten, and sleeps fitfully! Does that make you happy to know that? You are cruel!”
“How can you say that?  YOU the stupid buffoon who went into hiding!”
“You know why I did, although you claim to have forgotten.”
“You struck me did you not?”
“Then told me that you wished I was dead!”
“Rupert, you are lying!”
“You have no recollection, none at all?”
“I don’t know.”
“You are a harsh, bitter woman and after our son dies, I wash my hands of you.”
“You cannot mean that.”
“Oh I do, I assure you. I’ll live in one of our other properties and keep Mr Howard under my employment.”
“Stupid man, no wonder our son has turned out like he has!”
“Turned out like what, exactly?”
“He is selfish, spoiled and so over sensitive! How dare you have this conversation with me from the other side of the door.”
“Goodbye Evangeline. Just be thankful that it is not you who is dying. God would not be forgiving.”

©Sophie Bowns 2011-2014