“Oscar!”

“Is Ava okay? Mum what’s happened, what’s wrong? Hanna? Mrs Bali? Oh God it’s Ava isn’t it?” Oscar swung his legs over the end of the bed.

Mrs Bali inhaled. “Oscar, Ava endured excessive bleeding after birth, before and during the operation, something that we call a Postpartum haemorrhage. There’s no easy way to say this I’m sorry to have to tell you that”….

“Oh Oscar I’m so sorry.” Janet gasped.

Oscar fell forwards off the end of the bed, his fall lessened by Janet who caught him, gently lowering his limp body floor.

“Jesus! He’s fainted!” Hanna swiftly checked Oscar’s pulse

“Shall I inform the Bereavement services?” Mrs Bali inquired, placing a pillow under his head.

Hanna shook her head. “No, I’ll let Oscar make that decision for himself.” They raised Oscar’s legs, placing them on a chair. Janet pulled the blanket off the bed, covering him once more.

“He’s so cold, just like Ava was before. Christ! This will be the end of him, he’s been through enough hell for one year, part of it is my fault. Poor Clara, she wont even remember Ava.”

Hanna shook her head. “Oscar will come to. I’ll do his blood pressure; we’ll need to keep a close eye on that. It’s very low.”

Janet shook him gently. “Oscar.”

Oscar stirred, retching violently. Hanna rapidly placed a cardboard bowl under his mouth as he vomited mostly saliva from his empty stomach. His eye lids fluttered and a tear trickled down his cheek. Janet wiped his mouth, handing the bowl to Hanna and holding a white plastic cup of iced water to his lips.

“Here, try and drink this.”

“Please tell me that there has been some awful mistake. Ava gave in, she said it was her time and that she wanted to die, but it wasn’t.  She was so, so young. I should be dead not her, she was healthy and so full of life.” Oscar wept.

“Oscar, no! You’re a wonderful person and mean the world to Clara!”

“Oh yes, I’m so great that I made Ava’s life a misery?”

“No, Ava carved out her own existence  She needed more help than she ever let on. I know that some of it was out of her hands, but she didn’t treat you well!

I know.” Oscar sniffed.

“Ava’s Aunt is on her way to the hospital as we speak.”

“What was her reaction?” Janet handed him some tissues.

“Shocked like the rest of us.”

“I never for one moment thought that I’d outlive Ava. I-I can’t leave Ava alone in this hospital. I know they say a body’s  just an empty shell but…I think I want to see her one last time before…”

“I understand.”

“Have the porters come for her yet?”

“No, they won’t have.”

“Can, can I see her?”

“Hanna said yes, but they’ll need to do a post mortem which takes 24 hours. They’ll probably begin it in 24 hours time, so you can see Ava first. Are you sure you’re strong enough?”

“I have to be.”

“Here’s Hanna now. I’m coming with you.”

“I – I can’t leave Clara, I’ll just bring her, Ava never did hold her. Oh God! Clara will grow up not even knowing who her Mother was!”

“Ava didn’t show an interest!”

“I don’t want to hear a bad word said against her!”

 

“ Sorry Oscar. I’ll hold Clara, we’ll all go together. You badly need to go home and rest. You need decent food, a hot bath and a good sleep and then we’ll go from there. Don’t worry about Clara, I’ll look after her tonight.”

Hanna returned. “She’s in this little room for now, until they take her to the mortuary.”

“The mortuary.” Oscar parroted in a daze. Hanna unlocked the door, leading the way. Oscar paused. Janet placed a hand around his waist, while Hanna placed a chair behind him. Ava lay there, her skin ice white and her lips tinged with the blue hue of death. Bitter tears pricked in Oscar’s eyes as he looked on at his lifeless fiancé.

“I’ll leave you be for a little while.”  Hanna closed the door behind her.  Oscar stroked Ava’s slim fingers, tracing his fingertips over her manicured fingernails.

“You poor thing, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t got you pregnant in the first place we would have been happy and still together. I just believe that your body is an empty shell, but if your spirit is anywhere around us. Just know that I will always love you. I never thought-” Oscar paused, wiping away  tears.

“I never thought that I’d outlive you. May was right, Clara and I are going to mean the world to each other.” He planted a tender kiss on her forehead.

“Sleep well angel, Clara will have the most wonderful life. Life is a gift, how we use it is our decision. The greatest gift of all is love. Clara will be brought up surrounded by love and kindness. While I’m living, I’ll make it my duty to protect her. Who’d have thought that our tale had begun with three inquisitive friends, but I couldn’t have predicted this. I’m going to fight this cancer and win.”

(END OF FIRST DRAFT)

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55 thoughts on “Planchette- Part 144

  1. Oh dear Ava, I don’t whether to be sad for her. She hasn’t been the best of people to be around but then each goes at their own time.
    I hope Oscar gets his act together sooner.
    And congratulations Sophie, this has been a nice story so far.

  2. Let’s hope Ava’s death acts as a trigger for Oscar. Interesting first draft. Well done by showing the story through so much dialogue.

    1. Aha, a trigger? In what way? Interesting in a good or bad way? Overall, I’m pretty happy with the first draft. There’s masses of work to do (including cutting the length) but it isn’t bad. 🙂 Thanks Francene!

  3. Yeah, didn’t see that coming! You certainly left an opening for a part 2, though! 😉 I think you should try publishing this as an ebook through Amazon. I can recommend a good editor friend who can also help format the book for you. She edited my book before I published it last June. Just let me know if you’re interested. Great job!

  4. This is such a great story! You really know how to hook people in. 🙂
    I really feel for Oscar. One of the saddest, and one of the happiest days of his life all wrapped into one… Really emotional and gripping.
    In my opinion, I did feel like parts 142-144 didn’t flow as smoothly as the rest, but I still loved it, and it was a sad, but well done ending!
    I can’t wait to read more of your stories! ^.^

    1. Aha, that’s fair enough. I’m glad that you liked the majority of ‘Planchette’ I plan to re-draft the whole thing at some point. I’m not so happy with the earlier parts myself.
      I’m just relieved that you liked the ending 🙂

      1. Thank you! I’m glad the twist worked 🙂 I’ll have to do a lot of work on it before I can consider that option, but fingers crossed 😀

    1. I don’t think so, that’s the 1st draft finished now. I’ll re draft the whole thing and that’s one of the main things that I need to focus on. 🙂

  5. Now I shall go back and watch the beginning. I wondered why I put it off–I didn’t want to break the spell of having dropped into the middle of this literary experience.
    Sophiebowns, I’m a world-champion bookworm–I’ve read everything in the world and a few more–my nose hasn’t been out of a book since I learned to put it there. So you can believe me when I say that you are an excellent author.
    I don’t even like this genre–but good writing makes good reading. Best of luck with the second draft, etc.–you should be very proud of yourself.
    Brava!!

    1. Hello! Thank you for the ‘re-blog’!
      Thanks for your amazing comments/ support along the way. I have had a few of my readers who said that they weren’t so keen on the ending, but I really didn’t have much choice but to kill off Ava.

      1. O yes, I was anticipating all sorts of things–the aunt would show up and replace Ava as the dragon lady character, threatening custody battles or moving in..And the ongoing story of the recovering, prodigal mom, the young widower and the infant. But then I said to myself, wait, you didn’t read it from the beginning so maybe this is a good place to put “The End”…. I’ll let you know how I feel about it after I’ve read the whole book.. Enjoy your summer!

  6. So, my feedback. First thought – I didn’t start from the beginning and now I need to. Your dialog and the realistic hospital scenes are what drew me into the story. I admit to being disappointed by the ending. I would have wanted to see Ava survive this crisis and start perhaps a slow journey to maturity – maybe making life more interesting for poor Oscar along the way. Now, I can only hope Oscar’sMom has quit liquor for good and can be a good grandmother while Oscar gets better. I know he will! (Don’t you dare kill him off- we need a 2nd book in the story of Clara. Yes, Clara’s story.)

  7. Quick question, maybe I missed it, but who is May? I thought Hannah was the midwife? Also the guilt that you leave Oscar with is a really heavy thing to end on, unless you plan on continuing the story in a sequel. Great tension in your story which kept me coming back 🙂

  8. Sophie,
    Oh, I feel so sad for Oscar, and sorry for Ava. If only she would have had a bit of a turn-around before she passed away, it would have been so good for Oscar. He is blessed in that he’s got people around him who love him.

    1. Yay! I’m glad that you got that impression. At least Oscar has his Mum now, should his Cancer get worse. I guess we’ll never know!

      Thank you so much for commenting on my fiction Amy. I’ve loved reading all your comments over the past few months and I’m very grateful for all your feedback 😀

  9. Now that the series is over, I think I’m going to have to start from the beginning. Well done, you had me gripped right from the first time I read. And I started right in the middle. I’m impressed.

  10. I came in somewhere at the beginning, lost many in the midlle and caught up again near the end. I must go through the ones I lost in the middle, because I feel that I have lost some character build-up. Too weak and swallow at the beginning and very mature and expressive at the end.
    But nice going!
    Will try to finish this up before delving into the new one!

  11. What an ending. When I looked at the date that Ava died, I realized you ended the book’s first draft on my birthday. July 23rd. It never even occurred to me you would end your story with Ava going down. Wow. What a surprise. As so many have said, you definitely need to publish this or look into having it made into a film script & eventually into a film. It has great possibilities of succeeding both ways. Well, I started reading this after you started writing it. So, I will go back to fill in some of the story. Wow marvelous writing, Sophie. Congratulations on First Draft. Jennifer 🙂

    1. Hello Jennifer!
      Thank you, what a lovely comment. I still feel that it is a bit early to re-visit and redraft this and there is so much work to do, but we’ll see! Thank you so much for taking the time to read it all, I am flattered & it really does mean a lot! 😉

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