My Grannie (Mary) told me of this tale the other day…I thought it was BRILLIANT!! So….I had to make a blog post out of it!

(Mary, then aged 11) and her younger sister Ivy (My Great Auntie then 9) were kindly taken on a picnic by their Aunt and Uncle to Wallis Monument in Sterling (Scotland) It was a treat for them as by this time the war had begun and rationing was put into action ,which meant that food was quite scarce.

However, nothing could have prepared them from the culinary horror that was in store for them. I can only hope that they had eaten a decent breakfast that day!

To say the picnic prepared by their Aunt was DREADFUL would be an understatement!  The unattractive clumsily cut, cheap -tasting paste sandwiches (my Grannie told me she had no idea what meat is was supposed to be) were almost inedible.  The other half of the picnic consisted of Pancakes .  Mmmm!!!  I hear you mutter PANCAKES! But not these pancakes oh no! They would have been delightful had they not been spread with the most DISGUSTING rancid butter known to mankind, which at this stage was on its way to becoming cheese. All was not lost, Mary and Ivy were intelligent girls, and they had a plan.

You see the monument had A LOT of steps leading up to the top. Cunningly, the girls took the pancakes from their pockets, now wrapped in hankies which they had managed to smuggle up to the top and dropped them over the edge of the tower. They breathed a sigh of relief; no-one would EVER KNOW!

The plan backfires

Not for one moment had my Grannie and Great Auntie considered the fact that the door of the tower was directly below them, of course they had to disembark the building!! Consequently when they came down from the tower with their Aunt and Uncle, the pancakes were scattered upon the ground directly in front of the door! Let’s just say they had a great deal of explaining to do!!

History repeats itself

I had to laugh when my Mum (Jennifer) and Auntie Dorothy had a very similar tale, but this was a tale of VILE sandwiches. Again they had been treated to a picnic by their Auntie when they were in ST Andrews in Scotland.

The sandwiches were unattractive, thickly cut and poorly put together, spread with THE CHEAPEST, MOST REVOLTING fish paste known to man (Which probably didn’t even contain fish, especially not in the 1970’s)

History was about to repeat itself almost 30 years later after the pancake incident in the first tale. During the picnic they somehow managed to hide the sandwiches in their hands until they went for a walk. My Auntie and Mum also thought they had a cunning plan and threw the sandwiches over a stone wall for the seagulls to eat.

Later on their Auntie and Uncle decided that they were all to take a walk on the beach. Low and behold the sandwiches were so horrible that not even the seagulls ,who are scavengers of the air who will eat almost ANYTHING hadn’t eaten them!!!

My Mum and Auntie were terrified that they were going to get the biggest telling off of their life however; the adults were so engrossed in conversation that they didn’t even notice!!

The moral of this story is:  If you have relatives who cannot cook and you need to dispose of the evidence, make sure you do so by putting the offending object in a rubbish bin rather than attempting to “throw” it away to avoid the embarrassment of getting caught !!!!!!


3 thoughts on “How to get rid of unwanted food….MACPHAIL STYLE

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