* I have changed any names mentioned in this blog post.
As a young child I was quite confident as I spent a fair bit of time with other children at a pre-school age. In primary school I was happy and had lots of friends up to year 2. I had problems in that year which I have already written a blog about ( year 2- the worst school year of my life) There were also a few bullying incidents at school which really damaged my self-esteem especially in year 8, but I won’t go into them as I don’t want this blog post to turn into a sob story! As they say in the long run it makes you a stronger person. I was told by “An Angel Lady” a couple of years ago that I have lots of inner strength, so that’s a good thing!
I made a best friend *Amy* who remained to be so from year 2 to year 9 in school. We were close .Things went wrong when she made friends with another crowd. I could feel our friendship falling apart and finally we had a massive argument. She then ditched me for the other group and I made new friends. I feel that this damaged my self esteem, it was quite hard at first but I got over it fairly quickly. Her behavior completely changed, like she was trying to be someone that she wasn’t and to be honest she became quite self-centered and cocky. I’m thankful that I made new friends really as I prefer being the person that I have become through the other people. *Amy’s* friendship with the other group lasted for about a year..then they had a massive fallout ditching her. People asked me was I glad that it had happened to her as she’d had a taste of her own medicine but I said no, I felt sorry for her as its horrible when you feel that you have no-one!
I made another good friend in that year group as she was in most of my lessons. *Jane* is one of my close friends still, she’s really shy but lovely. My new group of friends at home were great and they have continued to be there for me. I love meeting up with them when I’m back from university.
Girls can be so bitchy and critical of each other. In my opinion in my school there were different categories of people. There were the popular crowd who were mostly self obsessed and very critical of less popular people, there were the people that fitted in and had a good group of friends, shy people who most people liked with smaller groups of friends (that was me) and the people that most people disliked and classed as “freaks” which was really harsh.
I remember also at school that teachers would always put in my ROA’s (Record of Achievement) that I basically needed to talk more but they’d say “Sophie needs to contribute more to class discussions” I did get much better at doing so as I moved up the school years…I really can’t help being quite quiet!!
I think my confidence was boosted when I got the job in the local hotel that I used to work at as I was working alongside adults and I was only 16 when I started. I have to say that I was probably one of the quietest members of staff there though!! I met some lovely people through that job but it helped to improve my people skills. I also learnt methods of confidence and better strategies to deal with my poor memory from a professional which helped to boost my self esteem.
Going to university has done me the world of good socially. At first I was terrified as I was scared that I’d find it really hard to make friends. Everyone was in the same boat, we just had to go for it! Now I have the most amazing group of friends and although some of us don’t live together anymore we make a point of seeing each other at least once a week. I love our nights out, we pretty much always have an amazing time! When I’m with them I can just be myself and no-one judges me, they accept me ditzyness and all ! (I can be quite scatterbrained at times!!) I also feel that my Nursing course has given me confidence, although I still find it very challenging!
In the future I hope to become more confident, but I realise that it will take time. As they say confidence comes with experience!