**Names have been changed in this article**

I am quite a shy person and have a really bad habit of not admitting my true feelings for guys. I normally just have a crush..not telling them my true feelings and carry on as normal. I used to work in a local 3* hotel as a waitress, I was never great at my job but was always willing to put in 100% effort fitting in well among the staff all of mixed ages. There was a large staff turnover there and by the time I left literally  two members of the original staff were there from when I first started. Something was really wrong in the managerial department.

It was mid February 2010 and the hotel had recruited a new member of staff. He quickly introduced himself to me and we shook hands. The first thing I noticed about **Lewis** was that he was very attractive being slim and about 5″8 in height. He had lovely grayish blue eyes as well as looking “well groomed”. I’m not really into the rugged/ shaven head look on men!…I prefer the clean cut look ! In the past I have found it difficult talking to guys as at school many of the boys could be cruel and definetly damaged my self confidence with their harsh comments. **Lewis** was different and so easy to chat to…  I’m not going to go as far as saying that there was a spark between us. He was almost 4 years older had a girlfriend at the time. He didn’t feel the same way about me but there was something. We always had really interesting conversations which made the tedious skivvy jobs such as polishing cutlery bearable not only this but he had a wicked sense of humor, never failing to make me laugh.

I’m quite a ditzy girl. I don’t mean to be…I always have been and I can’t see it changing either. I atchually cannot help it! The issue was I found that whenever I have a crush on a guy my dizzy behaviour worsens. I remember once being called into work as the hotel was short staffed due to members of staff  phoning in sick. **Lewis** was also in work. Today had to be the day when I had the worst case of “brainlessness” in the history of my entire life. I blame him. The awful shift involved me…….

1) Taking food to the WRONG table luckily this was outside…I didn’t make to much of a scene

2) spilling cold leftover soup down my apron just as we got into the kitchen after clearing a table (luckily it wiped off !!)

3) dropping items whilst walking back to the kitchen e.g. cutlery from the plates we cleared

4)  oh and the worst one nearly knocking **Lewis** out with the swinging door in the hotel kitchen

I’m sure that by the end of the shift most of the staff wanted to murder me.  I don’t think **Lewis** was too happy about the earlier door incident with the the comment of “You dizzy f****ng blonde !! ” to which I answered “I’m not blonde! My hair’s mousey brown” he then stated “atchually thats a fair point ! ” and laughed (phew !!) at least he didn’t stay annoyed with me for long !

I did think about him way too much and was devastated when I left the hotel to go to university. I literally cried all the way home in the car as I knew that I probably wouldn’t see him again. What baffles me the most is that fairly recently we spoke on Facebook. I found out that after I left EVERYONE told him that I had feelings for him! He told me that he had no idea of this!! really??!

Looking back at this I laugh at how stupid I was to let myself get so obsessed about a guy who didn’t have the feelings about me..I deeply hope that I have learnt from this experience and NEVER make the same mistake again!!!

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3 thoughts on “The Crush

  1. I like how you shared your feelings here. I always thought a girl would let the guy know. Was it your intuition telling you not to say anything? Like you felt like if you say something he might reject you or something? Good post 🙂

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