December 2013 :
God, I’ve missed her! It has been far too long. I’ve wanted to call her so many times, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I peer through the open front door and smell a warm aroma. She always bakes and when she’s not doing that, she cooks. I hear the pitter-patter of footsteps and my Mother, Violet Reed comes to see who it is. She pauses, raises both her eyebrows and folds her arms. I must look like an idiot, stood on the doorstep I remember so well. She looks me up and down.
She doesn’t sound best pleased to see me. I expect the ‘why didn’t you call me?’ lecture, but she says nothing.
“Um, you’d better come inside.”
I follow her in sheepishly and sit down on the distasteful green leather sofa which clashes horribly with the red wall paper across the way. I hate red, I will never understand why she decided to do that. My hands are shaking with the cold. It took me over an hour to pluck up enough courage to ring the doorbell.
“You look thin.”
I force a smile. I was never a big eater. It’s true though, this shirt doesn’t fit me any more and my jeans are being held up by my belt which is secured on the last belt hole.
“Uh, do you want something to eat? I made some biscuits this morning.”
“No thanks. But coffee would be nice.”
“Good, then we can talk.”
“Okay.” I whisper, as she switches on the kettle and closes the blinds. It’s late. I sit down at the white-painted kitchen table and glance up at her as she makes our drinks. The kitchen hasn’t changed one bit.
“Just talk away.” Her voice is firm. I clear my throat, taking a sip of the coffee which immediately burns me. I inhale and place it down on the mat.
“I’m sorry for not calling.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I dunno.” I whisper. “I’ve been really stupid, haven’t I?”
“Okay, well you’re here now.”
I have reasons, but I don’t want to admit to my Mother that I haven’t been very stable lately. She doesn’t know, not yet.
“Oh, average. It pays the bills.”
“Hmmm, you look really tired. Have you been looking after yourself properly?”
My heart skips. Do I? Having said that; I haven’t been sleeping well, my anxiety has been bad. Half the time, I lie awake for the majority of the night worrying. It’s getting late I should go, but this is one of the few places I actually feel safe.
“Thanks for letting me come in.”
She smiles and nods, I think she wants me to talk more freely but the words won’t come.
“Christmas is in two weeks, I’m hosting it this year. Everyone is gathering here at midday, I want you to be there.”
My mouth spreads into a wide smile. “I’d love that.” I’m lying. The house will be packed with people I don’t know or haven’t seen for a long time. They will see a change in me. It will only lead to me being asked endless questions. I shouldn’t go.
-Here is the link to my ‘Authors page’ on Amazon:
©Sophie Bowns 2011-2014